wolfgoddess77

CHAPTER EIGHT

The part of the House of Night that held the dorms was way across campus, so we had a fairly long walk, and Neferet seemed to be walking slowly on purpose, giving me plenty of time to ask questions and gawk.

When you described the campus in the last chapter, I didn’t get the impression that it was very big. The “long walk” shouldn’t be all that long, unless you’re shuffling along like a snail through molasses.

Not that I minded. Walking the length of the sprawling castle-like cluster of buildings,

Of which you only described two: the main building and the church…temple…thing.

with Neferet pointing out little details about what was what, gave me a sense of the place.

Hence the purpose of why she’s taking it slow, I assume. But thank you, Captain Obvious. I wasn’t sure if I would have figured that out on my own.

It was weird, but in a good way. Plus, walking felt normal. Actually, as odd as it sounds, I felt like myself again. I wasn't coughing.

Down With the Sickness: 62

My body didn't ache.

Down With the Sickness: 63

My head even had stopped hurting.

Down With the Sickness: 64

STOP BRINGING THAT UP, OH MY FUCKING GOD. Why should feeling like yourself sound odd? Have you made a habit of not feeling like yourself over your lifetime? You made it clear that getting to the House of Night would make you stop feeling sick, and—shock and surprise—it made you stop feeling sick! Plus, Neferet already made your headache go away, so I don’t know why you’re so bewildered about feeling better.

I was absolutely, totally not thinking about the disturbing scene I'd accidentally witnessed. I was forgetting it—on purpose. The last thing I needed was to have more to deal with than a new life and a weird Mark. So, blow job—forgotten.

Speshul Snowflake: 41

…I’m curious. If that girl hadn’t been trying to force herself on the guy, would you still have thought it was a “disturbing scene”? I know some people find sex to be completely unappealing, but given how…enthusiastic Zoey is about such things later on, she’s clearly not one of them. No, I get the feeling this is one of those times where Zoey is pretending to be all high and mighty, thinking that she’s above such base, filthy things like sex.

And don’t think I missed that comment about the “weird mark”. Every single person in the vicinity has the exact same mark. It’s not weird.

Deeply in denial I told myself that if I hadn't been walking through a school campus at an ungodly hour of the night beside a vampyre I almost could pretend that I was the same today as I had been yesterday. Almost.

ARE YOU HAPPY TO BE A VAMPIRE OR NOT?! MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND!

Well, okay. Maybe not even almost, but my head did feel better,

*sighs* Okay, now you’re just doing it on purpose… But thankfully, that's the end of Zoey's stint with the Black Plague. HALLELUJAH!

Down With the Sickness: 65

and I was just about ready to face my roommate when Neferet finally opened the door to the girl's dorm.

Inside was a surprise. I'm not sure what I expected—maybe everything to be all black and creepy.

I don’t know why. You’ve already seen the inside of the main building. There’s no reason why the girls’ dorm should look creepy when nothing else on the campus does.

But it was nice, decorated in soft blue and antique yellow,

Can someone explain how a color can be “antique”?

with comfy couches and clumps of puffy pillows big enough to sit on dotting the room like giant pastel M&Ms. The soft gaslight coming from several antique crystal chandeliers made the place look like a princess's castle.

Okay, I have to ask, how much gas does this freakin’ campus use up? I’m willing to bet a significant portion of the world’s gas consumption is dedicated to this one place.

On the cream-colored walls there were large oil paintings, all of them of ancient women

What do you mean by that? Are you saying that they’re ancient in the sense that they’re really old? Unlikely; I doubt PCK would want their lovely vampires to get old and withered. So I’m guessing you mean they’re women from many years ago.

who looked exotic and powerful. Fresh-cut flowers, mostly roses,

BORING. Maybe it’s just me, though; I don’t care much for roses—their smell reminds me of funeral homes. I much prefer other types of flowers.

sat in crystal vases on end tables that were cluttered with books and purses and fairly normal-looking teenage girl stuff. I saw several flat screen TVs, and recognized the sounds of MTV's Real World coming from one of them.

Name Drop: 16

I took in all of this fast, while I tried to smile and appear friendly to the girls who had shut up the instant I walked in the room and were now staring at me. Well, scratch that. They weren't exactly staring at me. They were staring at the Mark on my forehead.

Speshul Snowflake: 42

*sighs* This is really getting tiring…

"Ladies, this is Zoey Redbird. Greet her and welcome her to the House of Night.”

For a second I didn't think anyone was going to say anything, and I wanted to die of new-kid mortification.

Yeah, right. Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll all be your minions soon enough.

Then a girl stood up from among the middle of a group that was clustered around one of the TVs. She was a tiny blonde and darn near perfect. Actually, she reminded me of a young version of Sarah Jessica Parker (who I don't like, by the by—she's just so…so…annoying and unnaturally perky).

Name Drop: 17

You Judgemental Bastards: 31

You are the last person I want to hear call someone else annoying. Although by now, you aren’t just “annoying”. You’ve reached a deep level of hatred that I rarely feel for characters.

"Hi Zoey. Welcome to your new home." The SJP look-alike's smile was warm and genuine, and she was clearly making an effort to make eye contact instead of gawk at my darkened-in Mark.

This reminds me so much of the Mary Sues in the Harry Potter universe who deliberately avoid looking at his scar, because they’re clearly not rude, like everyone else who can’t help but stare at it.

And because you brought it up…

Speshul Snowflake: 43

Instantly I felt bad for making a negative comparison about her. "I'm Aphrodite," she said.

Aphrodite? Okay, maybe I hadn't been too hasty in my comparison. How could anyone normal choose Aphrodite as her name? Please. Talk about delusions of grandeur. I plastered a smile on my face, though, and said a bright, "Hi Aphrodite!”

You Judgemental Bastards: 32

Two things.

One: how dare you judge someone for their chosen name, when you’ve convinced yourself that you’re the person being described in an ancient legend? For all you know, she picked that name because she’s self-conscious, and hoped that by calling herself after a goddess of beauty, it might raise her self-esteem. You literally just met her; have you ever heard the phrase ‘don’t judge a book by its cover’? Apparently hearing a person’s name is all Zoey needs to be able to decide what they’re like.

Bitch.

Two: are you aware that you just seriously insulted SJP? I’ve never met her, and I’ve only ever seen a couple of things she was in, so I can’t positively say what her personality is like, but it’s completely possible that she’s a perfectly lovely person. It’s not uncommon to form a mistaken opinion of someone just by what they’re like on television, and I won’t fault Zoey for not liking her; there are plenty of actors and actresses I don’t like based on what I’ve heard about them, and just from the impression I’ve gotten by watching things with them in it. But that being said, I’ve never automatically compared someone to a person I didn’t like and instantly decided I didn’t like them, either, when they had only said a few words to me. If you don’t like someone, fine, but don’t decide that just by their name alone.

Okay, I lied. There are three things.

Three: Funny how very quickly Zoey considered feeling bad about thinking something unkind towards someone, then immediately backtracked and decided that she was right to begin with, and that this person deserves her ridicule.

"Neferet, would you like me to show Zoey to her room?”

Neferet hesitated, which felt really odd. Instead of answering right away she just stood there and locked eyes with Aphrodite. Then, just as quickly as the silent stare-down had started, Neferet's face broke into a wide smile.

And here we begin a very long-running trend. For whatever reason, Neferet absolutely loathes Aphrodite, even though the poor girl has never done anything to her, as far as I know. Neferet isn’t the only one, either. Aphrodite is the series’ whipping girl, and gets shit on at every opportunity, even when she hasn’t done a damn thing to deserve being treated the way she is. She is quite possibly the only sympathetic character in this whole series. Now, that said, it doesn’t excuse her previous behavior (Aphrodite was the one Zoey walked up on trying to molest that guy, which IS NOT OKAY. But I still feel bad for her later on.)

"Thank you, Aphrodite, that would be lovely. I am Zoey's mentor, but I'm sure she would feel much more welcomed if someone her own age showed her the way to her room.”

Okay, this is getting a point. It’s subtle, for PCK, but it still counts, dammit!

Speshul Snowflake: 44

There was absolutely no reason for Neferet to say that she was Zoey’s mentor, except to rub it in Aphrodite’s face that Zoey was so much better than she could ever hope to be.

Was that anger I saw flash through Aphrodite's eyes? No, I must have imagined it—or at least I would have believed I'd imagined it if that weird new gut feeling of mine hadn't told me otherwise. And I didn't need my new intuition to clue me in that something was wrong, because Aphrodite laughed—and I recognized the sound of it.

Okay, this ‘new intuition’ of Zoey’s is not intuition at all. It’s Nyx playing her like a fiddle. She doesn’t have to figure out anything at all by herself; Nyx is there whispering in her ear who’s a bad person and who’s not. Kind of undermines Zoey being oh so smart when someone has to spell it out for her like this. Zoey is dumb as a brick, confirmed.

Feeling like someone had punched me in the gut I realized that this girl— Aphrodite—had been the one I'd just watched with the guy in the hall!

Aphrodite's laugh, followed by her perky, "Of course I'd be happy to show her around! You know I'm always glad to help you, Neferet," was as fake and cold as Pamela Anderson's humongously huge boobs, but Neferet just nodded in response and then turned to face me.

Name Drop: 18

You Judgemental Bastards: 33

FUCK. YOU. And by the way, do you think breast implants are made of ice or something? They’re not going to be cold; they’re going to be body temperature!

I’m starting to think PCK takes notes from Stephenie “It’s not like I think about what I’m writing” Meyer.

"I'll leave you now, Zoey," Neferet said, squeezing my shoulder. "Aphrodite will take you to your room, and your new roommate can help you get ready for dinner.

Why does Zoey need help getting ready? What, does she have to get changed into a fancy dress and needs her ~~servant~~ roommate to lace up her bodice, do her hair, and shine her shoes?

…don’t answer that.

I'll see you in the dining room.” She smiled her warm, mom-smile at me, and I had the ridiculously childish urge to hug her and beg her not to leave me alone with Aphrodite. "You'll be fine," she said, as if she could read my mind. "You'll see, Zoeybird. All will be well," she whispered, sounding so much like my grandma that I had to blink hard not to cry.

God, you’re pathetic. You might be estranged from your mother and step-father (which I highly doubt really bothers you all that much, all things considered) but you and your grandmother are still close. You’re acting like you’re going to be separated from her forever. Even if she can’t come see you all the time, things like cell phones exist. All you have to do is call her.

Then she nodded a quick good-bye to Aphrodite and the other girls, and left the dorm.

The door closed with a muffled, dead sound. Oh, hell…I just wanted to go home!

No, you don’t. You were absolutely thrilled to be getting out of that house, and wished for your family to drown. That’s hardly conducive with wanting to go home.

"Come on, Zoey. The rooms are this way," Aphrodite said. She motioned for me to come with her up the wide stairs that curved to our right. As we walked upstairs I tried to ignore the buzz of voices that instantly erupted behind us.

Speshul Snowflake: 45

Don’t tell me the ‘buzz of voices’ aren’t all talking about Zoey and how unique she is. Don’t even try, because I won’t believe you.

Neither of us spoke, and I felt so uncomfortable that I wanted to scream. Had she seen me back there in the hall? Well, I sure as hell wasn't going to mention it.

Ever. As far as I was concerned it never happened.

I cleared my throat and said, "The dorm seems nice. I mean, it's really pretty.”

No, it isn’t. Nothing about what’s been described makes me think it’s at all pretty.

She cut her eyes sideways at me. "It's better than nice or really pretty here; it's amazing.”

"Oh. Well. That's good to hear.”

She laughed. The sound was totally unpleasant—almost a sneer—and it crawled up the back of my neck like it had when I'd first heard it.

Aphrodite is a bad guy. Can you tell she’s a bad guy? Because she’s totally a bad guy. I don’t know if I made it clear enough that she’s a bad guy.

"It's amazing here mostly because of me.”

I glanced at her, thinking that she must be kidding, and met her cold blue eyes.

"Yeah, you heard me right. This place is cool because I'm cool.”

Normally I would rage about this, but since it’s not coming from Zoey, or someone fawning over her, I’m actually going to let it slide. It’s honestly a bit refreshing, given how many people kiss Zoey’s ass, and how often they fawn over her, to hear someone else talk about their own awesomeness.

Oh. My. God. What a bizarre thing for her to say. I didn't have a clue how to respond to that very stuck-up piece of info. I mean, like I needed the stress of a fight with slutty Ms. Thinking-She's-All-That added on top of a life/species/school change?

That, however, I’ll say something about. *ahem* Why is it only slutty when another girl acts in a sexual manner, but later on, Zoey can almost quite literally hump a guy in the middle of a public place, and she practically gets praised for it? Double standards, much?

You Judgemental Bastards: 34

And I still couldn't tell whether she knew it had been me watching her in the hall.

Okay. I just wanted to find a way to fit in. I wanted to be able to call this new school home. So I decided to take the safest road and keep my mouth shut.

Oh, don’t worry, Zoey. People will be prostrating themselves on the floor for you to walk over them soon enough.

Neither of us said anything more. The stairs led to a large hallway lined with doors. I held my breath when Aphrodite stopped before one that was painted a pretty light purple, but instead of knocking, she turned to face me. Her perfect face suddenly looked hateful and cold and definitely not so pretty.

Why are you holding your breath? Does something stink?

"Okay, here's the deal, Zoey. You have this weird Mark, so everyone's talking about you and wondering what the fuck is up with you."

Speshul Snowflake: 46

She rolled her eyes and clutched her pearls dramatically,

Are you…are you saying she’s literally clutching pearls? I mean, it’s possible that she just randomly carries a rosary around with her, and took the opportunity to bring them out specifically as a prop, but I highly doubt it. What’s more, when someone ‘clutches their pearls’, it usually indicates that you’ve offended them somehow, not that they’re fawning over ~~Zoey~~ someone else. Educate yourselves, PCK.

changing her voice so that she sounded really silly and gushing. "Oooh! The new girl has a colored-in Mark!

Speshul Snowflake: 47

Whatever could that mean? Is she special?

Yes, she is.

Speshul Snowflake: 48

Does she have fabulous powers?

Yes, she does.

Speshul Snowflake: 49

~~This count is really starting to get painful.~~

Oh my—oh my!" She dropped her hand from her throat and narrowed her eyes at me. Her voice went as flat and mean as her gaze. "Here's what's what. I'm it here.

You’re a creepy, child-eating clown alien spider shapeshifter thing who has a penchant for hiding in sewers and looks suspiciously like Tim Curry?

Things go my way. You want to get along here, then you'd best remember that. If you don't, you'll be in for a world of shit.”

You know what, Aphrodite? I like you. I like you a lot. High-five, girlfriend.

Okay, she was starting to piss me off. "Look," I said, "I just got here. I'm not looking for trouble, and I have no control over what people are saying about my Mark.”

Speshul Snowflake: 50

Her eyes narrowed. Ah, crap. Was I going to have to actually fight this girl? I'd never been in a fight in my life! My stomach knotted up and I got ready to duck or run or whatever would not get me beat up.

Then, just as quickly as she'd gone all scary and hateful, her face relaxed into a smile and she turned back into sweet little blonde again. (Not that I was fooled.)

Of course not, because you’re just so smart. Anyone else would fall for her sweet act, but not our genius Zoey, here!

*gags*

"Good. Just so we understand each other.”

Huh? I understood she'd forgotten to take her meds, but that was all I understood.

You Judgemental Bastards: 35

FUCK YOU WITH A GIANT SAGUARO CACTUS, YOU VILE, TRASH-EATING SHITNUGGET!

This little penis goblin makes me angrier than Bella fucking Swan, and she’s one of the most loathsome heroines in modern literature! I literally think I saw red there for a second. How do you even invent a character this abhorrent?

Aphrodite didn't give me time to say anything. With one last, weirdly warm smile, she knocked on the door.

"Come on in!" called a perky voice with an Okie accent.

Oh, god. Here we go. Introducing Fawning Sycophant #1.

Aphrodite opened the door.

"Hi y'all! Ohmygosh, come on in.” With a huge grin, my new roomie, also a blonde,

But since she’s going to be one of Zoey’s peons, it’s okay for her to be blonde. Only those who don’t grovel to kiss Zoey’s feet are evil.

rushed up like a little countrified tornado. But the instant she saw Aphrodite, her grin slid from her face and she stopped hurrying toward us.

"I brought your new roommate to you." There was nothing technically wrong with Aphrodite's words, but her tone was hateful and she was putting on a terrible, fake Oklahoma accent.

Marry me, Aphrodite. You are amazing.

"Stevie Rae Johnson, this is Zoey Redbird. Zoey Redbird, this is Stevie Rae Johnson. There, now ain't we all nice and cozy like three little corns on a cob?”

That is not a saying, PCK. If you wanted a fitting phrase, it should have been ‘peas in a pod’. …of course, this could just be Aphrodite making things up in an attempt to mock Stevie, so I’m willing to let it slide.

I glanced at Stevie Rae. She looked like a terrified little rabbit.

"Thanks for showing me up here, Aphrodite.” I talked quickly, moving toward Aphrodite, who automatically stepped back, which put her out in the hall again. "See you around.” I closed the door on her as her look of surprise was just beginning to change to anger.

Run, Aphrodite. Run far away, and don’t look back. Run, before Zoey infects you and turns you into one of her braindead worshipers.

Then I turned to Stevie Rae, who was still pale.

"What's with her?" I asked.

"She's…she's…,”

Even though I didn't know her at all, I could tell that Stevie Rae was struggling with how much she should or shouldn't say.

No shit, Sherlock, what was your first clue? You act like this is some brilliant deduction, but it’s really not. Anyone could have figured that out based on her clear fear of Aphrodite and her hesitation to say anything at all.

So I decided to help her. I mean, we were going to be roommates. "She's a bitch!" I said.

Stevie Rae's eyes went round, and then she giggled.

“Oooh, you said a swear word!” Grow up. I’ve heard elementary schoolers with worse potty-mouths than that.

"She's not very nice, that's for sure.”

"She needs pharmaceutical help, that's for sure," I added, making her laugh some more.

You Judgemental Bastards: 36

*begins to swell up in rage again before pausing*

No, nope, stop that. Exploding will not do you any favors. You’re going to give yourself an aneurysm. Be calm, be cool…

I’m starting to wonder just how oblivious PCK actually are when they write things like this. It’s not funny, it’s not charming, it’s just outright offensive, like so many other things in these books.

"I think we're gonna get along just fine, Zoey Redbird," she said, still smiling. "Welcome to your new home!" She stepped aside and made a sweeping arm gesture at the little room, like she was ushering me into a palace.

Probably because this place is going to be your palace, and you’re going to be the much-loved queen. Go tightrope-walk across an active volcano.

I looked around and blinked. Several times.

I smell judgement!

The first thing I saw was the lifesized Kenny Chesney poster that hung over one of the two beds

Name Drop: 19

Just how big is this room? If it’s a life-sized poster, and it’s hung over a bed, that means the bottom of it is at least three feet off the ground, and the top of it is probably not touching the ceiling, which means that has to be one hell of a big wall.

and the cowboy (cowgirl?) hat that rested on one of the bedside tables—the one that also had the oldfashioned- looking gas lamp with the base shaped like a cowboy boot. Oh, nu uh.

Stevie Rae was a total Okie!

Remember, people, if you live in Oklahoma, you must be obsessed with country music singers and cowboy things.

Then she shocked me with a big hello hug, reminding me of a cute puppy with her short, curly hair and her smiling round face.

Wow, rude! Stevie isn’t even a person in Zoey’s eyes; she’s just a dog. And she’s not the only one, either. Later on we’ll meet another character who Zoey thinks of as a dog, too.

"Zoey, I'm so glad you're feelin' better! I was so worried when I heard you'd hurt yourself. I'm really glad you're finally here.”

What? Fucking what? Does the whole goddamn school know about her arrival or something?! PCK, she’s not the Queen of England (may she rest in peace) or the president! New students probably show up every single day; why is Zoey’s appearance such a big deal?

No, wait, I know why.

Speshul Snowflake: 51

That’s why. Zoey’s just so amazing and special and important that someone who doesn’t even know her is terribly worried about her well-being. I wonder how many other kids are in their rooms wringing their hands and fretting about poor little Zoey’s health.

"Thanks," I said, still staring around what was now my room, too, feeling totally overwhelmed and weirdly on the edge of tears again.

"It's kinda scary, isn't it?" Stevie Rae was watching me with big, serious blue eyes that were filled with sympathetic tears.

Oh, spare me.

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"I know. I cried the whole first night.”

I swallowed back my own tears and asked, "How long have you been here?”

"Three months. And, man, I was glad when they told me I was getting a roommate!”

Not me. This is just personal preference, but if I lived in a dorm, I would want a single room to myself. I don’t like the idea of sharing a room with someone.

"You knew I was coming?”

She nodded vigorously. "Oh, yeah! Neferet told me day before yesterday that the Tracker had sensed you and was going to Mark you. I thought you'd be here yesterday, but then I heard that you'd had an accident and been brought to the clinic. What happened?”

Say what you want, but I still believe that Neferet announced to the school at large that Goddess on High Zoey was descending unto them, and that they all better prepare to worship her.

I shrugged and said, "I was looking for my grandma and I fell and hit my head."

Because you were stupid enough to go on a strenuous hike when you weren’t feeling good. You brought that accident on yourself.

I wasn't getting the weird feeling that told me to keep my mouth shut, but I wasn't sure how much I should say to Stevie Rae yet, and I was relieved when she nodded as though she understood and didn't ask any more questions about the accident—or mention my weird colored-in Mark.

Speshul Snowflake: 52

So Stevie didn’t mention it, but because PCK can’t go more than a few paragraphs without reminding us how awesome and unique Zoey is, it gets brought up anyway.

"Your parents freaked when you got Marked?”

"Totally. Didn't yours?”

No, because that would mean other people have problems at home, which in turn would mean that you’re not as special as you think you are.

"Actually, my mama was okay with it. She said anything that got me out of Henrietta was a good thing.”

"Henrietta, Oklahoma?" I asked, glad to move to a subject that was not all about me.

Oh, stuff it, Zoey, we all know you like the attention.

"Sadly, yes.”

Stevie Rae flopped down on the bed in front of the Kenny Chesney poster and motioned for me to sit on the one across the room from her. I did, and then felt a little jolt of surprise when I realized that I was sitting on my cool hot-pink and green Ralph Lauren comforter from home.

Name Drop: 21

(One for bringing up the poster again, and another for the name-brand comforter.)

Well, damn. I guess we had gone too long without another one of those. (Also, is it just me, or does a hot pink comforter sound like an absolute eyesore? No offense to those who like the color, but comforters tend to be quite large, so that’s a lot of hot pink in one place.)

*reads ahead*

…oh, hell. And PCK is making up for it in spades, huh?

I looked at the little oak end table and blinked. There was my annoying, ugly alarm clock, nerdy glasses for when I'm sick of wearing my contacts,

Fuck you, Zoey. Glasses don’t automatically equal ‘nerd’, you know. I’ve seen plenty of people who look quite lovely in glasses. And I’m not going to believe that PCK only meant that Zoey’s glasses were nerdy in design; I’m absolutely positive that all glasses are supposed to be nerdy.

and the picture of Grandma and me from last summer. And in the bookshelves behind the computer on my side of the room I saw my Gossip Girls

Name Drop: 22

and Bubbles series books

Name Drop: 23

(along with some of my other favorites, including Bram Stoker's Dracula—which was more than a little ironic),

Name Drop: 24

some CDs, my laptop, and—oh my dear sweet lord—my Monsters Inc. figurines.

Name Drop: 25

How incredibly embarrassing. My backpack was sitting on the floor next to my bed.

"Your grandma brought your stuff up here. She's really nice," Stevie Rae said.

"She's more than nice. She's brave as hell to have faced my mom and her stupid husband to get this stuff for me. I can only imagine the overly dramatic scene my mom caused." I sighed and then shook my head.

I don’t suppose you’re going to call her and thank her for doing that, are you?

"Yeah, I guess I'm lucky. At least my mama was cool about all of this," Stevie Rae pointed to the outline of the crescent moon on her forehead. "Even if my daddy lost every bit of his mind, me being his only 'baby girl' and all.” She shrugged and then giggled. "My three brothers thought it was awesome and wanted to know if I could help them get vampyre chicks." She rolled her eyes. "Stupid boys.”

I actually don’t have much of a problem with this. It’s a decent bit of characterization, even though I don’t like Stevie.

"Stupid boys,” I echoed and smiled at her. If she thought boys were stupid she and I would get along fine.

What are you, five? You laugh at the word “boobs”, and now you think boys have cooties.

"Mostly now I'm okay with all of this. I mean, the classes are weird but I like them—especially the Tae Kwan Do class. I kinda like to kick butt."

If she knows how to fight, why was she still so scared of Aphrodite? If they both took the classes, they I suppose they both know how, but she could at least hold her own in a fight, right? Why do vampires even need to take Tae Kwon Do classes, anyway? I don’t think martial arts are something schools usually offer their students. And the way Stevie says this, I don’t believe that it’s an elective or some kind of club. It sounds like it’s a mandatory class.

She grinned mischievously, like a little blonde elf. "I like the uniforms, which totally shocked me at first. I mean, would anyone expect to like school uniforms?

Admittedly, I’ve never gone to a school that requires uniforms, but I’ve seen plenty of designs on the internet that I thought looked nice. I know that every design isn’t going to be to everyone’s tastes, but there are bound to be people who like them.

But we can add stuff to them and make them unique, so they don't look like typical stuck-up, boring school uniforms.

Because all uniforms are boring and belong to schools who are stuck-up. And I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to customize most uniforms to a certain degree. You sound like this is something that only the House of Night does.

You Judgemental Bastards: 37

And there are some seriously hot guys here—even if boys are stupid."

Make up your mind. Do boys have cooties, or are they hot? You can’t have it both ways.

Her eyes sparkled. "Mostly I'm just so darn glad to be out of Henrietta that I don't mind all the other stuff, even if Tulsa is kinda scary because it's so big.”

"Tulsa isn't scary," I said automatically. Unlike too many kids from our suburb of Broken Arrow, I actually knew my way around Tulsa, thanks to what Grandma liked to call "field-tripping" with her.

Right, because most people from small towns never have occasion to go anywhere bigger. They’re all backwater hicks who have only seen cities on television. God, this just reeks of superiority on Zoey’s part. And Zoey, just because you don’t think something is frightening doesn’t mean that everyone else agrees.

You Judgemental Bastards: 38

(Just that sense of condescension from the “unlike too many kids” thing.)

"You just have to know where to go. There's a great bead gallery where you can make your own jewelry downtown on Brady Street, and next door to that is Lola's at the Bowery—she has the best desserts in town. Cherry Street is cool, too. We're not far from there now. Actually, we're right by the awesome Philbrook Museum and Utica Square. There's some excellent shopping there and—”

I suddenly realized what I was saying. Did vampyre kids get to mingle with regular kids? I searched my memory. No. I'd never seen kids with crescent moon outlines hanging around the Philbrook or Utica's Gap

Name Drop: 26

or Banana Republic

Name Drop: 27

or Starbucks.

Name Drop: 28

(I’m not counting the other mention of the museum, since it’s a specific place. The other three just feel like your stereotypical place where you might find teenagers hanging out, so they get points.)

Maybe because they’re afraid that people will think they’re bloodsucking monsters and hide the signs that would point them out as being vampires. You know, like you do later on in this very book! Just because you haven’t seen kids walking around with ~~totally inferior~~ crescent moons on their faces doesn’t mean that they aren’t out there.

I'd never seen them at the movies. Hell! I'd never even seen a vampyre kid before today. So would they keep us locked up here for four years? Feeling a little short of breath and claustrophobic I asked, "Do we ever get out of here?”

"Yeah, but there are all sorts of rules you have to follow."

"Rules? Like what?”

Like not going around humping the leg of every guy you see. Oops, but I guess that doesn’t apply to you, does it, Zoey?

"Well, you can't wear any part of the school uniform—" She broke off suddenly. "Shoot! That reminds me. We have to hurry. Dinner is in a few minutes and you need to change.” She jumped up and started to rummage through the closet that was on my side of the room, chattering at me from over her shoulder the whole time.

Is there any particular reason why Stevie has to go and fetch Zoey’s clothes for her, rather than…I dunno, just pointing to the closet and telling her that her new clothes were in there, and let her get them herself? Oh, right, because Zoey mustn’t lift a finger to take care of herself. She must let her adoring servants do everything for her.

~~Yes, I’m bitter and pissed off. What of it?~~

"Neferet had some clothes delivered here last night. Don't worry about the sizes not being right. Somehow they always know what size we'll be before they actually see us—it's kinda freaky how the adult vamps know way more than they should.

Not ‘freaky’ so much as ‘creepy’. Does that mean all of the teachers know the students’ underwear sizes? That’s just skeevy, PCK.

Anyway, don't be scared. I was serious before when I said the uniforms aren't as awful as you'd think they'd be. You really can add your own stuff to them—like me.”

Why do you think Zoey is freaked out about the uniform designs? She hasn’t said a damn thing about them; not even once.

I looked at her. I mean, really looked at her.

Judgement incoming.

She was wearing a pair of honest to-God Roper jeans.

Name Drop: 29

You know, the kind those ag-kids wear that are way too tight and have no back pockets. How anyone could think no back pockets and tightness was cute, I'd honestly never understand.

Because you’re just the be-all end-all of authority when it comes to what kind of clothes are cute, huh? Bitch.

You Judgemental Bastards: 39

Stevie Rae was totally skinny, and the jeans even made her butt look wide.

You Judgemental Bastards: 40

I knew before I looked at the girl's feet what she'd be wearing—cowboy boots. I glanced down and sighed. Yep.

You Judgemental Bastards: 41

Brown leather, flat-heeled, pointy-tipped cowboy boots. Tucked into her countrified jeans was a black, longsleeved cotton blouse that had the expensive look of something you'd find at Saks

Name Drop: 30

or Neiman Marcus,

Name Drop: 31

versus the cheaper see- through shirts that overpriced Abercrombie tries to make us believe aren't slutty.

You Judgemental Bastards: 42

Name Drop: 32

This is kind of a backhanded compliment. “At least Stevie Rae isn’t wearing one of those slutty shirts! Everything else about her is tacky, though.”

When she glanced over at me I saw that she had double-pierced ears with little silver hoops in them. She turned and held out in one hand a black blouse like the one she had on, and a pullover sweater in another, and I decided that even though the country look wasn't for me she was kinda cute with her mixture of hayseed and chic.

I’m not taking back those points just because you suddenly decide she’s not so tacky after all, you bitch.

On the subject of clothes, though, I still have absolutely no idea what these uniforms are supposed to look like. We heard about dark purple, blue, and green plaid when Zoey saw the other students earlier, but now we’re talking about jeans and sweaters. Just which part of those are supposed to be the uniform? Can you wear anything you want as long as it’s black? What happened to the plaid? Is it optional? Do you have to wear the uniform the whole time you’re on campus? Can you just wear a piece of it, and not the whole uniform? How far does the customization go?

NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE!

"Here ya go! Just throw these on over your jeans and we'll be ready.”

The flickering light from the cowboy-boot lamp caught on a streak of silver embroidery that was on the breast of the sweater she was holding out. I got up and took the two shirts, holding the sweater up so I could see the front of it better. The silver embroidery was in the shape of a spiral that glittered around and around in a delicate circle

,,,yes, Zoey, spirals typically go around and around in circles. Thank you for explaining it to us slower kids. *rolls eyes* Gods, I hate you…

that would rest over my heart.

"It's our sign," Stevie Rae said.

"Our sign?”

"Yeah, each class—here they call them third formers, fourth formers, fifth formers, and sixth formers—has their own sign. We're third formers, so our sign is the silver labyrinth of the Goddess Nyx.”

Great, more questions. Why do the forms start with three? Why not one? Why are there four forms?

I want answers, PCK. You can’t just randomly add this stuff to your books and give us next to no explanation as to what it actually is. Or why it is, for that matter.

"What does it mean?" I asked, more to myself than to her as I traced my finger around the sliver circles.

"It stands for our new beginning as we start walking the Path of Night and learn the ways of the Goddess and the possibilities of our new life.”

I looked up at her, surprised that she suddenly sounded so serious.

Because people who are cheerful and bubbly and giggly can never be serious.

…

Wait a minute.

Didn’t Zoey say not that long ago that she hated someone because of those very same traits?

Actually, she reminded me of a young version of Sarah Jessica Parker (who I don't like, by the by—she's just so…so…annoying and unnaturally perky).

Why, so she did. Stevie Rae is someone I would definitely call ‘unnaturally perky’, yet Zoey doesn’t seem to have a problem with that. How interesting.

She grinned a little shyly at me and shrugged her shoulders. "It one of the first things you learn in Vampyre Sociology 101. That's the class Neferet teaches, and it sure beats the heck outta the boring classes I was taking at Henrietta High, home of the fighting hens.

MORE QUESTIONS. How do these classes work? It doesn’t seem like there are any kind of set semesters for new students; they just show up at the House of Night whenever they get marked (no, I will not capitalize that; it’s stupid), at any time of the year. How do these new students learn anything? Do they get notes from students who have been there longer? Are there remedial classes for the newbies to catch up to the rest of the class, so they don’t get left behind? I can’t imagine that the teachers start from scratch every time a new student shows up. No one would ever learn anything like that.

And actually, what about the classes normal high schools would have, like calculus, chemistry, literature, and all those? Do vampire kids not need those classes anymore? Why not? Vampires clearly assimilate into human society when they become adults; you would think they would have at least a few of the same classes in high school. For that matter, why do they have some of the classes that they do? Like Tae Kwon Do? And soon we’ll find out that they have equestrian lessons, too. Why? This is the age of cars; no one uses horses to get from place to place anymore. And again, this doesn’t seem like an elective or a club; it’s written like something that’s mandatory, even though it really shouldn’t be.

Ugh. Fighting hens! What kind of a mascot is that?" She shook her head and rolled her eyes while I laughed. "Anyway, I heard Neferet is your mentor, which is really lucky. She hardly takes on any new kids, and besides being High Priestess, she's way the coolest teacher here.”

Speshul Snowflake: 53

What she didn't say was that I'm not just lucky, I'm "special" with my weird colored-in Mark.

Speshul Snowflake: 54

Which reminded me…

"Stevie Rae, why haven't you asked me about my Mark?

Speshul Snowflake: 55

I mean, I appreciate you not bombarding me with a hundred questions, but all the way up here everyone who saw me stared at my Mark.

Speshul Snowflake: 56

Aphrodite mentioned it almost the second we were alone.

Speshul Snowflake: 57

Yes, Aphrodite mentioned it immediately. To mock you ~~like the awesome boss bitch she is.~~ Did that little detail completely fly over your head?

You haven't even really looked at it. Why?”

Remember when I said that her relief that the conversation changing to a topic that wasn’t all about her was bullshit? …yeah. I can’t help but read this like Zoey’s petulantly stomping her foot because Stevie Rae isn’t gushing over how awesome she is.

Then she did finally look at my forehead before she shrugged and met my eyes again. "You're my roommate. I figured you'd tell me what was up with it when you were ready. One thing growing up in a small town like Henrietta taught me is that it's best to mind your own business if you want someone to stay your friend. Well, we're gonna be rooming together for four years….” She paused and in the gap between words sat the big, ugly unsaid truth that we'd be roommates for four years only if both of us survived the Change. Stevie Rae swallowed hard and finished in a rush, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want us to be friends.”

I smiled at her. She looked so young and hopeful—so nice and normal and not at all what I imagined a vampyre kid would be.

She is your age, you whore! Why do you insist on calling her a kid?! Hell, she might even be older than you!

I felt a little stirring of hope. Maybe I could find a way to fit in here. "I want to be friends, too.”

Zoey: “But only if you start worshiping me like the goddess I am. Otherwise you can just go eat dirt somewhere.”

"Yea for that!" I swear she looked like a wriggly puppy again.

Fuck you. Although, I guess that’s pretty accurate, given that Zoey’s little peons can be found humping her leg at any given moment.

"But come on! Hurry—we don't want to be late.”

She gave me a shove toward a door that sat between the two closets before she hurried over to a makeup mirror on her computer desk and started brushing at her short hair. I ducked inside to find a tiny bathroom, and quickly pulled off my BA Tigers

Name Drop: 33

T-shirt and put on the cotton blouse and over it the silk knit sweater that was a deep, pretty shade of purple with little black plaid lines going through it.

Oh, okay, there’s the plaid again. And of course the material has to be made of silk. Remember when this used to be a stuck-up private school? Yeah, me too. Good thing it’s filled with more common people and things now (coughSILKUNIFORMcough).

I was just getting ready to go back into the room to grab my backpack so I could try to fix my face and hair with the makeup and stuff I'd brought, when I glanced in the mirror over the sink. My face was still white,

Remember when Zoey’s skin wasn’t Meyerpire-white? That didn’t last long, did it?

but it had lost the scary, unhealthy paleness it had earlier. My hair looked insane, all wild and uncombed, and I could faintly see the slim line of dark stitches just above my left temple. But it was the sapphire-colored Mark that caught my eyes. While I stared at it, entranced by its exotic beauty,

Read: “While I stared at it, entranced by my exotic beauty”… AND STOP CALLING IT EXOTIC. EVERY VAMPIRE IN EXISTENCE HAS THE DAMN THING.

the bathroom light caught the silver labyrinth embroidered over my heart.

Some ‘labyrinth’, if it’s just a simple spiral. Labyrinths are typically very difficult to find your way out of. I get that they couldn’t make something like that an emblem, so they stuck with something easier to make, but still. It just makes me think that Nyx’s labyrinth is just one single path, which makes me sporfle.

I decided that the two symbols somehow matched, even though they were different shapes…different colors…

They don’t ‘somehow’ match. If you take a hollow circle and cut it in half, you get a crescent shape. Voila! Instant match. That wasn’t so hard, was it? Stop trying to act like you miraculously put two completely contradicting things together just to make a comparison to your new life. They already match.

But did I match them? And did I match this strange new world?

Of course you do. You’re the biggest Sue to ever Sue. Even if by some bizarre twist of fate you didn’t match this world at first, I can guarantee you that the world would tie itself into knots to make you fit in.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and hoped desperately that whatever we were eating for dinner (oh, please let there not be any blood-drinking involved) wouldn't disagree with my already screwed-up, nervous stomach.

Since when is it screwed up and nervous? You were fine just a second ago!

"Oh, no…" I whispered to myself, "it would be just my luck to get a raging case of diarrhea.”

Okay, that’s just disgusting.

Speshul Snowflake: 57
Down With the Sickness: 65
Name Drop: 33
You Judgemental Bastards: 42