wolfgoddess77

I received an advance reader copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

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Okay, right off the bat, I have to confess that the title of this book is rather misleading. Dolph’s story doesn’t appear until close to the very end, and he’s certainly not what you would call the main character.

Instead, the first story we’re presented with is that of a Las Vegas vampire, who finds himself on the losing end of an encounter with a vampire hunter. But instead of killing the vampire, the hunter - also known as “the madman” - captures our hero and proceeds to use him as a guinea pig for various ways to kill/weaken vampires.

Our hero tells his story directly to us, the readers, whom he refers to only as his friend. However, he seems to be telling this story aloud, as a couple of the other captive vampires the madman has collected question who he’s talking to. It’s insinuated that the vampire isn’t telling his story to us, but has in fact gone insane from the torture, and believes that he has an audience to talk to.

When I read the exerpt of the book, which was the first few pages of Dolph’s story, I expected the other stories to contain the same crude humor, but I found myself disappointed. While the vampire’s story was interesting, and made me feel pity for him and the other vampires, it was anything but humorous.

Lack of humor aside, though, as a serious story about a captive, terrified, possibly insane vampire, it does its job well, and is worth reading.

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We’re introduced to the protagonist (who actually has a name, unlike our vampire protagonist: Bentley) of our second story via a confession of infidelity, and oh my God, I already hate this guy. He and his girlfriend Riley - whom he had cheated on after a fight two years prior - are scheduled to be married soon, and Bentley’s best friend Zachary wants to take him on a cruise to Mexico as a last hurrah of bachelorhood.

Unfortunately, Bentley is rather infatuated with the idea of prostitutes, and much to his delight, Riley points out that Mexico is rife with brothels where Bentley and his best friend might decide to spend their time, despite both of them having girlfriends.

After trying to convince Riley (and us) that he’s seriously not interested in the brothels, no really, he’s not trying to look for a way to sabotage their relationship at all, the girls drop their boyfriends off at the airport, and the trip to California to board the cruise begins.

With how much emphasis was put on the fact that Riley absolutely doesn’t trust Zachary, and the fact that Bentley had already cheated on her once before, I started wondering right off the bat how long it would be before one of them pulled the other into some kind of trouble. I can’t say I really cared for either Bentley or Zachary, so I wasn’t too invested in their adventures on the high seas.

With each page I read, I hoped that it would be the last one. I’m sure it probably wasn’t much longer than the first story, but my god, I thought I was reading a book that was hundreds of pages long. I’m convinced that Zachary is a sex addict, with how much he thinks about girls, talks about girls, wants to bang girls… You get the picture. Bentley is a little better, and resists Zachary’s attempts to hook him up with everything that possesses breasts, but when it was all said and done, I really didn’t like either one of them. Maybe because it’s not my life goal to screw every woman who crosses my path, but I just couldn’t couldn’t relate to anything in this story.

If you like stories about sex-obsessed dudebros wandering around trying to get laid and everyone’s a cheater, this story is for you. If not, I’d recommend skipping this one.

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Story three starts off on a note of horror. A serial killer promises himself that this next kill is going to be his last. He doesn’t need the pleasure the process of killing gives him. He goes on to talk about his very first kill, and how every kill since then has led him to this one.

But this story is unique. Not because it’s told from the point of view of the killer, but the fact that the victim he chooses to be his last...is you.

This is the shortest story by far, only a handful of pages. But if you have any kind of triggers associated with violence, bodily harm or physical assault, you should definitely give this one a pass.

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The fourth story changes things up a little bit, in that it’s told from a woman’s point of view. Carol is a college student living in Las Vegas. When she goes out to eat with her boyfriend Barry one evening, she’s confronted by an angry woman, who it turns out is Barry’s other girlfriend.

After Barry tells the woman that Carol means nothing to him, Carol retreats, heartbroken and humiliated, to her friend Mona’s dorm for comfort. In the midst of a drunken evening, Mona suggests that they hire a stripper to make Carol feel better.

Okay...I’m getting really tired of the running theme of infidelity. I hate cheating. I hate it in real life, I hate it as a plot point, I hate it. But I can’t fault Carol for this; she was completely in the dark about all of it. Mona, I’m not so fond of. She’s incredibly flaky and has left Carol out to dry more than once. Then there’s Barry, who makes his return by drunk-dialing Carol and telling her how much she means to him. And then stalking her by camping out at the cafe across from her apartment with a pair of binoculars. CREEPER.

The mother is also a bit much. Horny as a bunny in springtime, she loves to share all kinds of sexual details with her poor daughter. I wouldn’t be surprised if she screwed the stripper on Carol’s couch with her standing right there and watching in horror.

Upon finishing: HOO-BOY. That was...more than I wanted out of a short story. Too much, really. I guess...if you like reading about horny women and strippers, this story is for you?

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Story five revolves around two teenage boys, Earl and Rainbow (yes, that’s his real name). Earl comes from a wealthy family, and his parents are a bit overbearing. Rainbow, on the other hand, comes from the opposite extreme. Once Earl’s parents found out about this fact, they forbade him from ever seeing Rainbow again, fearing the boy’s poorness would somehow rub off on their son.

That doesn’t stop the two of them, though, as they’ve been best friends since meeting at a circus when they were little, and if there’s one thing Earl loves doing, it’s defying his parents. Without their knowledge, of course. So, their friendship endured.

Throughout the story, an enigmatic group called The Baldies, consisting of three bald men, periodically pops up. They don’t seem to be too dangerous; all they do is break into people’s homes and shave their heads.

Earl and Rainbow love the carnival, even now that they’re teens, and as Earl is moving to California in a few days, they decide to go to the carnival together one last time.

But not before buying some weed!

While Earl and Rainbow are your typical teenagers, and Pizza Man is your obligatory shady adult, the one person I found myself most fascinated by was Xyla, the fortune teller. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know too much about fortune telling - tarot cards in particular - but listening to her read cards was the most interesting part of this story to me.

The ending comes without much resolution; we never learn much at all about the Baldies, which I was disappointed by. I would have liked to know their motivation for what they do. All in all, it wasn’t a terrible story, and worth reading, if only for Xyla.

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Story six quickly begins with a familiar name; a character we haven’t met yet, but whose name we heard in the previous story. It’s Captain Fuckmeister himself, and the man who wrote the article about him.

Right off the bat, it’s clear this is going to be on the raunchy side. I don’t mind this, as long as we don’t get a woman screwing an exotic dancer/male prostitute in her daughter’s bed, while said daughter is in the next room. We’ll see, won’t we?

The story seems to be told in the form of the article that was published, which I found interesting. You don’t see too many stories told in that format.

You really have to use your suspension of disbelief with this one. Seriously; it’s going to get a workout.

It’s another short story, only a few pages, but I would say it’s worth the read, if only because of the sheer ridiculousness of it.

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Story six features a boy named Rusty. He goes on to tell us a little about his abusive father who likes to beat him and cheat on his mother. There’s one shining spot in Rusty’s life, though, and that’s his uncle Mortimer.

Uncle Mortimer has just bought a house in California after a bad breakup, and he wants Rusty to join him for a few days while he moves in.

Unlike the previous story, this one is much more somber, taking place during the few days surrounding September 11th. For those of us who witnessed that day, it was probably something you would never forget, and reading about Rusty’s reaction to the attacks provokes memories of where I was that morning when I first heard about what had happened.

Rusty’s story isn’t necessarily a happy one, but I wouldn’t recommend skipping it. I found it to be well-written, and Rusty’s thoughts and feelings as a young boy who doesn’t fully understand what’s going on is believable.

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Number seven deals with a young couple. The boyfriend is scheduled to move to a different state in a matter of hours to begin his career as a baseball player, while the girlfriend still has another year of high school left, and obviously doesn’t want him to go.

But there’s more going on than you might first think. Much more.

I honestly feel really bad for the boyfriend. He’s trying to start a career that he’s always dreamed of, and his girlfriend, in a desperate attempt to keep him with her, does something incredibly manipulative and dirty.

This particular plot point is another one that I really dislike, but thankfully, this story is only a couple of pages long, so if you’re like me, and dislike the same plot point, you don’t have to suffer through it long.

This chapter is mostly dialogue, so it goes quickly, and thanks to that, I don’t think there’s too much of a reason to skip it.

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Story eight starts off with a bang; a boy named City is plotting the murder of a girl, Timber. Not long ago, Timber had humiliated City in front of his peers, and he refuses to let that stand. The only problem is, Timber is under the protection of the leader of their group, which makes murdering her not as simple as he might hope.

Timber and City are part of a cannibalistic cult called the Divinity, led by a man known as Daddy Marlow. City isn’t happy with his life, and he wants out...but not before killing Timber.

Not long into the story we get a piece of information that fills in some of the gaps that were made by the previous stories, which I really appreciated. It sheds more light on a certain event, and another puzzle piece falls into place.

We get a little backstory on Timber, and why she seems to have such a high position within the group, which City is very unhappy about. We also learn some things about the inner workings of the cult; some of their rules, and the punishments, should those rules be broken.

We also learn a lot about City, and his life within the Divinity. The story does a pretty good job presenting this self-contained cult, and I find it quite interesting. While it’s not the most action-packed story, the worldbuilding keeps the entertainment factor up.

Like several of the previous stories, the topic of sex is heavy in this one; at least when it comes to City and his fellow workers. Being teenagers pumped full of hormones, sex is never far from their minds, especially in City’s case, as he’s never experienced it firsthand.

We later learn that the entire story past the opening is actually a flashback, and through that, we’re shown the event that prompts City’s decision to leave the Divinity, as well as the incident with Timber that made him want her dead before his departure.

I found the ending of the story to be quite satisfying, given the circumstances surrounding it, and I can’t see a reason not to recommend it, especially since it might answer some questions about previous stories.

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Story nine is told from the point of view of a boy called Felix. His uncle Leo is spending time at his house, thanks to a fight Leo had with his wife.

It’s not long before we get hints about what the fight might have been about, and given the running theme in some of these stories, I’m sure you can take a guess about what it is. But if there’s one thing I can give this book credit for, it’s a fairly accurate portrayal of what a child is like. Felix is very believable as a protagonist, and his young innocence is sweet.

The ending is a bit abrupt; I thought the story was going to be longer than it was. That being said, though, I found it to be enjoyable, if only because of Felix and the innocence of childhood.

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The protagonist of story number ten is a familiar one. We see the return of Rusty, and this time, he’s harboring a secret.

Rusty is college bound...or at least, that’s what his father believes. He wants to make absolutely sure that Rusty makes an impression at the college fair that’s being hosted in one of the Las Vegas hotels, going so far as to buy a brand new suit for Rusty to wear.

Rusty, however, wants nothing to do with any of that. He has other things that he would rather do. These things introduce us to one of Rusty’s pastimes. We also learn that he has discovered a certain fetish, which he gets his fill of by spending time in a few stores. No judgement, Rusty. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, you keep doing you.

While he’s indulging in this pastime, he happens to run into a pair of people who might seem a bit familiar. I’m usually pleasantly surprised to find recurring characters, as it helps fill out their stories, and this is no exception. It was nice to find out what they were up to.

A bit surprisingly, we also have a bit of a mystery going on in this chapter, which was intriguing, if a little easy to guess.

All in all, it was an enjoyable story, and intertwined with a couple of other things, which I liked. I would recommend this one.

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Story eleven is based around a young boy living with his mother. She has taken to leaving in the middle of the night sometimes, which understandably caused the boy to panic. One late night, though, he asks to go with her, so he doesn’t have to be alone.

Once again, we find that we’re familiar with these two. While they were minor characters before, now they take center stage for their own scene.

We get treated to another innocent child; this one has a fascination (and a healthy amount of fear) with vampires. When his mother admits that she’s not 100% sure that vampires aren’t real, he starts studying everyone he crosses paths with, wondering if they might be a vampire.

Another familiar character makes an appearance, and I’m glad to see her again; I liked her a lot in a previous story, and she’s just as sweet in this one.

Even though this story also features a plot point I dislike, it’s also worth reading. The boy is nothing short of adorable, so read it for him, if nothing else.

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Story twelve brings back another character we’ve seen before; a previous protagonist, in fact: Felix. This one features him receiving...less than innocent advice from his uncle Leo, advice that isn’t necessarily the best.

Now almost finished growing up, Felix has had his first kiss, but not much else. He has his eye on someone, though; a girl named Sonia. Unfortunately, she has no clue that he even exists, and seems to be completely out of his league.

Shortly after his eighteenth birthday, Uncle Leo decides it’s time for him to become a man, and plans to take him to a strip club. Felix is absolutely terrified by the idea, but he also can’t wait. I mean, it’s a strip club! What young man doesn’t dream of one day getting to visit one?

So, off we go; time for his very first strip club experience.

As stories go, this one wasn’t the best, but I was still entertained, and it’s nowhere near the worst. Check it out if you have some time, and nothing else to do.

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Finally, story thirteen. The one we’ve all been waiting for. This is Dolph the Unicorn Killer.

Dolph’s childhood was one of luxury. Growing up in a mansion with his wealthy parents, he had everything a kid could ask for.

Until one night, when he’s visited by a unicorn named Golden Showers, who proceeds to...well, live up to his name. Unfortunately, his parents don’t believe that the mess wasn’t Dolph’s fault, as anyone out of toddlerhood can’t see unicorns. Except for Dolph.

The torment continues for several years, until Golden Showers finally does the unthinkable. That night, Dolph swears his revenge on Golden Showers, and every other unicorn he can get his hands on.

Being raised by mugger-turned-butler Joe, Dolph grows up training, becoming a killer. So it goes, one unicorn after another, until he comes upon a unicorn named Pink Gash. She convinces him not to kill her, because she has information about Golden Showers, and she needs Dolph’s help.

Along the way, Dolph learns a few things. About Joe, about unicorns, and about himself. (I know that sounds cheesy, but that’s seriously what happens.)

Although I will admit that I didn’t expect the story to take the turn that it ended up taking. But anyway!

I think this one is probably my favorite story out of the bunch. I was looking forward to getting to it, and it didn’t disappoint.

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The fourteenth and final story opens on a professor speaking with a beautiful woman in a bar, and educating her on the finer points of English grammar. Unfortunately, he’s not used to being in the presence of women like this, so his conversation isn’t as smooth as he would like it to be.

Luckily for him, it seems that, instead of being put off by his awkwardness, she’s charmed by it, and wants to get to know him a little better. She questions his knowledge of the contents of Las Vegas, asking if he knows about the tunnels beneath the city, and that automatically sends up red flags. With me, not the professor. He has absolutely no idea what she’s talking about, and so, when she invites him to go on a tour of them, he readily agrees.

She gives him directions to an entrance, and when they arrive, she leads him into the darkness.

What happens next is not for me to say, but for the final story, it’s short, sweet, and to the point. No harm in checking it out, as it’s only a few pages long.